Hey y'all!
Have just figured out today that it's been three months since my last post, and thought that it might be nice to say Happy New Year to you all and share an update on what's been going on here in Mexico.
So, Happy New Year!
Truth to be told, this lack of writing over these last three months has had a lot to do with the fact that I might have lost the "tourist-eye" and didn't quite know what to share. That on one hand. On the other hand, there was so much happening that it was a pretty big challenge dealing with it, and much less writing about it in a way that might not sound 100% confusing. There was this magic triangle, me, my mind and the world.
Everything that was happening kinda seemed like a constant tsunami of get-out-of-your-comfort-zone situations.
Relating to the song above, it's funny how many ideas we have about ourselves, ideas that we actually haven't questioned before. And when those no-reason ideas start to pop-up pretty often, it's when we actually ask the question, am I really that?
Found myself actually being angry on the Mexican society and its way of being. There was the society&co., but also the situations we end up in. Examples:
Why do I have to walk 20min on 36ºC to the nearest bus? (which passes by every 40min and takes around an hour to get downtown).
Why do I have to "suffer" because of not having a car? (and then I would start remembering the perfect public transportation system in Berlin, where you didn't want to have a car)
Why do I have to be judged depending on my skin-color? (both by the white-ish and the Indian-ish people, to put it somehow)
Loads of Why do I? as you can see.
Then there was, as a dear Irish friend (hey Lulu!) said, "the foolishness of a gringo/a trying to make things better". (gringo=American, if you're a foreigner around here, you're from the US, until proven unguilty).
But, you can't change something that seems (and has been) perfectly normal (whatever that is) during centuries. Well, you can try, and get burned. Or burn yourself. And none of those options is recommendable. What you can do, (to quote Lulu), is to bring some change, but in your own inimitable way. And this change does not necessarily mean dismantling a whole society.
Random things that happened: in December I got a mail from Budapest informing me that they'd granted me the Hungarian citizenship (pending in summertime, have to sing the anthem first). Funny how the EU vs. non EU correlation stops being an issue when you're outside of Europe.
Got married in December with Green Eyes (so that we could continue living the story without a tourist-visa deadline hanging above us).
Lost my job at the University (well, didn't start it in the first place), due to Mexican-administration issues (will have to wait until next semester).
To sum it up, these last few months were no-income-what-so-ever months, depending (almost totally) on Green Eyes, living in a society that I would be constantly shocked over, not moving freely (buses) and being kinda trapped (not having the € to go back to Europe, but, what would I do there actually, beside reaching out for a "safe-zone"?).
And, thinking of those dear and near people whom we call friends (while the vast majority of them lives some 12 000km away).
More or less in those absurd, meaningless situations is when your ego collapses. You understand that the only way of surviving is adapting. Opening to all those situations that might come, regardless of that sometime they might seem as whiplashes. The other option is feeling miserable, constantly going back to your old habits, which simply aren't applicable any longer.
There's this big myth we all tend to follow, the way things are "supposed" to be (but, according to whom?). Finishing your studies, finding a job and leading a certain life, shutting up any urge for a change. And if it's not working the way you expected, everything you knew crumbles down, actually, you crumble down. You tend to pity yourself, victimize yourself and lack the energy even for getting out of bed (been there, done that). But, how about changing that tendency? How about instead of staying in bed, trying to get more sleep (although you've slept for 11h, but you still feel tired), you actually go out and do something totally unexpected? Have a shower. Walk those 30min on 36ºC and take the bus. Acknowledge the current facts.
Acknowledge that not having money to buy new clothes (well, actually, not having money to by a coffee) is not such a bad thing -you understand that there is someone who loves you until the extent of not giving a fuck about helping you out for the time being, because he knows that it's only for the time being. Thank you, Green Eyes.
That your family is there for you in all situations, although the things you are doing right now are totally irrational in comparison to what you did before. But, they know that you're following your dream.
That your friends, and I mean friends, are there for a sobbing Skype-session, regardless of the time-zone difference.
And above all, that you're learning new stuff. Stuff you wouldn't have been able to learn if you hadn't made that step. How to get seeds from a lettuce, how to grow organic vegetables (and eat them eventually, enjoying every bite of it), how to design your own web-page (and get your first student) how to cope with things when they seem to be getting out of hand. Understanding that actually, (just came to my mind), I am a little bridge between the segregated society, crossing the invisible white-Indian border every day, taking the bus, talking to the 100 years old lady at the local market etc. That little change in one's own inimitable way.
Basically, what I'm learning is how to live when life isn't 100% the way I'd want it to be. Not even 10% the way I'd want it to be. But, it's going better every day. And unlike many other things I've learned during my "educations" (many of them totally useless, such as that a carp has 104 chromosomes, thank you, high-school biology), this is a type of knowledge that I'll need every day. The type of essential knowledge that happens only when we decide to open up to life.
So, this is what my last few months in Mexico have been about.
And, wishing you a really nice day, dear random reader!
xx
Danilo
Have just figured out today that it's been three months since my last post, and thought that it might be nice to say Happy New Year to you all and share an update on what's been going on here in Mexico.
So, Happy New Year!
Truth to be told, this lack of writing over these last three months has had a lot to do with the fact that I might have lost the "tourist-eye" and didn't quite know what to share. That on one hand. On the other hand, there was so much happening that it was a pretty big challenge dealing with it, and much less writing about it in a way that might not sound 100% confusing. There was this magic triangle, me, my mind and the world.
Everything that was happening kinda seemed like a constant tsunami of get-out-of-your-comfort-zone situations.
Relating to the song above, it's funny how many ideas we have about ourselves, ideas that we actually haven't questioned before. And when those no-reason ideas start to pop-up pretty often, it's when we actually ask the question, am I really that?
Found myself actually being angry on the Mexican society and its way of being. There was the society&co., but also the situations we end up in. Examples:
Why do I have to walk 20min on 36ºC to the nearest bus? (which passes by every 40min and takes around an hour to get downtown).
Why do I have to "suffer" because of not having a car? (and then I would start remembering the perfect public transportation system in Berlin, where you didn't want to have a car)
Why do I have to be judged depending on my skin-color? (both by the white-ish and the Indian-ish people, to put it somehow)
Loads of Why do I? as you can see.
Then there was, as a dear Irish friend (hey Lulu!) said, "the foolishness of a gringo/a trying to make things better". (gringo=American, if you're a foreigner around here, you're from the US, until proven unguilty).
But, you can't change something that seems (and has been) perfectly normal (whatever that is) during centuries. Well, you can try, and get burned. Or burn yourself. And none of those options is recommendable. What you can do, (to quote Lulu), is to bring some change, but in your own inimitable way. And this change does not necessarily mean dismantling a whole society.
Random things that happened: in December I got a mail from Budapest informing me that they'd granted me the Hungarian citizenship (pending in summertime, have to sing the anthem first). Funny how the EU vs. non EU correlation stops being an issue when you're outside of Europe.
Got married in December with Green Eyes (so that we could continue living the story without a tourist-visa deadline hanging above us).
Lost my job at the University (well, didn't start it in the first place), due to Mexican-administration issues (will have to wait until next semester).
To sum it up, these last few months were no-income-what-so-ever months, depending (almost totally) on Green Eyes, living in a society that I would be constantly shocked over, not moving freely (buses) and being kinda trapped (not having the € to go back to Europe, but, what would I do there actually, beside reaching out for a "safe-zone"?).
And, thinking of those dear and near people whom we call friends (while the vast majority of them lives some 12 000km away).
More or less in those absurd, meaningless situations is when your ego collapses. You understand that the only way of surviving is adapting. Opening to all those situations that might come, regardless of that sometime they might seem as whiplashes. The other option is feeling miserable, constantly going back to your old habits, which simply aren't applicable any longer.
There's this big myth we all tend to follow, the way things are "supposed" to be (but, according to whom?). Finishing your studies, finding a job and leading a certain life, shutting up any urge for a change. And if it's not working the way you expected, everything you knew crumbles down, actually, you crumble down. You tend to pity yourself, victimize yourself and lack the energy even for getting out of bed (been there, done that). But, how about changing that tendency? How about instead of staying in bed, trying to get more sleep (although you've slept for 11h, but you still feel tired), you actually go out and do something totally unexpected? Have a shower. Walk those 30min on 36ºC and take the bus. Acknowledge the current facts.
Acknowledge that not having money to buy new clothes (well, actually, not having money to by a coffee) is not such a bad thing -you understand that there is someone who loves you until the extent of not giving a fuck about helping you out for the time being, because he knows that it's only for the time being. Thank you, Green Eyes.
That your family is there for you in all situations, although the things you are doing right now are totally irrational in comparison to what you did before. But, they know that you're following your dream.
That your friends, and I mean friends, are there for a sobbing Skype-session, regardless of the time-zone difference.
And above all, that you're learning new stuff. Stuff you wouldn't have been able to learn if you hadn't made that step. How to get seeds from a lettuce, how to grow organic vegetables (and eat them eventually, enjoying every bite of it), how to design your own web-page (and get your first student) how to cope with things when they seem to be getting out of hand. Understanding that actually, (just came to my mind), I am a little bridge between the segregated society, crossing the invisible white-Indian border every day, taking the bus, talking to the 100 years old lady at the local market etc. That little change in one's own inimitable way.
Basically, what I'm learning is how to live when life isn't 100% the way I'd want it to be. Not even 10% the way I'd want it to be. But, it's going better every day. And unlike many other things I've learned during my "educations" (many of them totally useless, such as that a carp has 104 chromosomes, thank you, high-school biology), this is a type of knowledge that I'll need every day. The type of essential knowledge that happens only when we decide to open up to life.
So, this is what my last few months in Mexico have been about.
And, wishing you a really nice day, dear random reader!
xx
Danilo
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