on life and 95 days.

Hey y'all!

Have just figured out today that it's been three months since my last post, and thought that it might be nice to say Happy New Year to you all and share an update on what's been going on here in Mexico.

So, Happy New Year! 

Truth to be told, this lack of writing over these last three months has had a lot to do with the fact that I might have lost the "tourist-eye" and didn't quite know what to share. That on one hand. On the other hand, there was so much happening that it was a pretty big challenge dealing with it, and much less writing about it in a way that might not sound 100% confusing. There was this magic triangle, me, my mind and the world.

Everything that was happening kinda seemed like a constant tsunami of get-out-of-your-comfort-zone situations.
Relating to the song above, it's funny how many ideas we have about ourselves, ideas that we actually haven't  questioned before. And when those no-reason ideas start to pop-up pretty often, it's when we actually ask the question, am I really that?

Found myself actually being angry on the Mexican society and its way of being. There was the society&co., but also the situations we end up in. Examples:

Why do I have to walk 20min on 36ºC to the nearest bus? (which passes by every 40min and takes around an hour to get downtown).

Why do I have to "suffer" because of not having a car? (and then I would start remembering the perfect public transportation system in Berlin, where you didn't want to have a car)

Why do I have to be judged depending on my skin-color? (both by the white-ish and the Indian-ish people, to put it somehow)

Loads of Why do I? as you can see. 

Then there was, as a dear Irish friend (hey Lulu!) said, "the foolishness of a gringo/a trying to make things better". (gringo=American, if you're a foreigner around here, you're from the US, until proven unguilty). 
But, you can't change something that seems (and has been) perfectly normal (whatever that is) during centuries. Well, you can try, and get burned. Or burn yourself. And none of those options is recommendable. What you can do, (to quote Lulu), is to bring some change, but in your own inimitable way. And this change does not necessarily mean dismantling a whole society.

Random things that happened: in December I got a mail from Budapest informing me that they'd granted me the Hungarian citizenship (pending in summertime, have to sing the anthem first). Funny how the EU vs. non EU correlation stops being an issue when you're outside of Europe. 

Got married in December with Green Eyes (so that we could continue living the story without a tourist-visa deadline hanging above us). 

Lost my job at the University (well, didn't start it in the first place), due to Mexican-administration issues (will have to wait until next semester). 

To sum it up, these last few months were no-income-what-so-ever months, depending (almost totally) on Green Eyes, living in a society that I would be constantly shocked over, not moving freely (buses) and being kinda trapped (not having the € to go back to Europe, but, what would I do there actually, beside reaching out for a "safe-zone"?).

And, thinking of those dear and near people whom we call friends (while the vast majority of them lives some 12 000km away).

More or less in those absurd, meaningless situations is when your ego collapses. You understand that the only way of surviving is adapting. Opening to all those situations that might come, regardless of that sometime they might seem as whiplashes. The other option is feeling miserable, constantly going back to your old habits, which simply aren't applicable any longer.

There's this big myth we all tend to follow, the way things are "supposed" to be (but, according to whom?). Finishing your studies, finding a job and leading a certain life, shutting up any urge for a change. And if it's not working the way you expected, everything you knew crumbles down, actually, you crumble down. You tend to pity yourself, victimize yourself and lack the energy even for getting out of bed (been there, done that). But, how about changing that tendency? How about instead of staying in bed, trying to get more sleep (although you've slept for 11h, but you still feel tired), you actually go out and do something totally unexpected? Have a shower. Walk those 30min on 36ºC and take the bus. Acknowledge the current facts.

Acknowledge that not having money to buy new clothes (well, actually, not having money to by a coffee) is not such a bad thing -you understand that there is someone who loves you until the extent of not giving a fuck about helping you out for the time being, because he knows that it's only for the time being. Thank you, Green Eyes. 

That your family is there for you in all situations, although the things you are doing right now are totally irrational in comparison to what you did before. But, they know that you're following your dream.

That your friends, and I mean friends, are there for a sobbing Skype-session, regardless of the time-zone difference.

And above all, that you're learning new stuff. Stuff you wouldn't have been able to learn if you hadn't made that step. How to get seeds from a lettuce, how to grow organic vegetables (and eat them eventually, enjoying every bite of it), how to design your own web-page (and get your first student) how to cope with things when they seem to be getting out of hand. Understanding that actually, (just came to my mind), I am a little bridge between the segregated society, crossing the invisible white-Indian border every day, taking the bus, talking to the 100 years old lady at the local market etc. That little change in one's own inimitable way.

Basically, what I'm learning is how to live when life isn't 100% the way I'd want it to be. Not even 10% the way I'd want it to be. But, it's going better every day. And unlike many other things I've learned during my "educations" (many of them totally useless, such as that a carp has 104 chromosomes, thank you, high-school biology), this is a type of knowledge that I'll need every day. The type of essential knowledge that happens only when we decide to open up to life.

So, this is what my last few months in Mexico have been about.

And, wishing you a really nice day, dear random reader!

xx

Danilo

faces of Mexico. "us" and "them". a "we"?

Hey all!

I guess this post will be slightly different than the other ones -no pics and no descriptions of local traditions, food, the colorful side of life here and so forth.

It's more a letting-loose my current state of mind. So, Mexico.

I remember that my best friend in Berlin (she's from Buenos Aires) told me once, after my ecstatic talk about Latin America, that I actually didn't have a clue about what Latin America was. Didn't put a thought to it back then, but, lately, a clearer vision has somehow popped up.

A great deal of how we perceive the world depends on our culture and the "values" we grew up with. Also, the way the country's reality (in the beginning "normality" when we're children) is. The thing I've constantly been having trouble coping with here is the class gap. A Serb living in Mexico City told me that Europe will never experience the poverty that exists here in Mexico, but neither the richness (speaking in strictly economical terms). The only thing is that the poverty-richness equation here depends more or less directly on the color of your skin and your origin.

As Shakira said once (pardon me my source of quotation): "If a child is born poor in Latin America, it's most likely that (s)he will die poor". The sad fact is that the education is not that available to everyone (as "we" are used to) and that (which might be worse but also depends on the lack of education), it is not perceived as necessary. Still, many do suffer from the lack of money, but do not find studies to be a way of solving that problem. Although, it might have a lot to do with the fact that many people consider education to be a privilege and not a right. A privilege that is reserved for a certain class which is mostly European looking, a remain of the colonial system. That's why many assume that because of my looks I also share the same characteristics -loads of money, land and that I've only went to private schools (it causes a sort of a shock that I've only been in public schools). 

On the other hand, many of Mexico's high class members tend to imitate the American way life (shopping/traveling/going to malls/working their ass off, but buying a big house with a big pool, several cars and of course, the indispensable electric fence to protect the whole thing). And that's it, the creation of "us" and "them" and the invisible border (but clearly marked in people's minds) is never to be trespassed. Well, maybe when buying a taco from a señito, while coming out of the smart-building you work in for your lunch break. 

So, this new "us" and "them" is currently my coping-with-issue. The thing is, I don't know/can't/won't place the "me" in "us" or "them". Maybe because both "worlds" seem so remote to me. The world of a 20sqm hut with mud floor and the world of a 200sqm marble floor mansion that occupies a whole block. I've wondered over if it's just been me in my Alice in (Wonder)land existence and not noticing this division back in Europe. But, after talking to several Latin Americans residing in Europe, they've actually confirmed that such an abyss doesn't exist there. Nevertheless, there are other social abysses that exist in Europe and that we're well aware of. And, unfortunately, the "us" and "them" tendency seems to be global, but manifests in different way. And maybe it was always that way, or was it not?

So, I guess this was a new part of my Mexico-related existence. Feel free to comment and share your piece of my mind.

Love you all,

Danilo

Oh, and a nice pic for a gloomy post (from a tree around the corner):

on loch and poch or living in the Yucatan

Hi again!

So, as I mentioned in my previous post, I'm writing to you dear people from Merida, Yucatan, the land of Green Eyes. Took me some time for putting thoughts and impressions into words, but I guess that's the natural process of adapting to and breathing in a new place. And Merida sure is. Let's see how. 

Here it is! Around 1 million people.

Living here feels like not living in Mexico, which, in and off itself isn't that hard to understand; the Yucatan was a republic per se before the final union of the Mexican Republic back in the XIX century. Even nowadays, the former republic's flag can be seen pretty often. 

The Yucatan agreed on becoming a part of the Mexican Republic, but only under the condition of keeping a certain autonomy and being able to separate whenever it felt that the happiness (observe, not wellbeing/political/financial interests) of the Yucatan people became jeopardized. And still, the Yucatecs consider themselves to be the sister republic of Mexico. 

Leaving Mexico City and coming to Merida actually felt quite refreshing; although living there can feel fascinating, it can also feel totally absorbing. For the time being, living in a city that's more or less trash/violence/traffic jam/free, feels good. 

I remember that, when coming to Merida for the 1st time (last year, spent only 2h in the city) the first thought that struck me was that Merida looked like an elegant, slightly chubby old lady who was spending her days lying in a hammock, remembering her past glory and just observing the constant changes, but without loosing her identity and her self-indulgence.

Being here only made me reaffirm this impression, that's how Merida actually is. And life here reminds me incredibly of One hundred years of solitude. First it's the heat and the humidity; I'm writing this sitting only in my shorts, 32ºC outside and total humidity (these are winter temperatures, the summer temperature goes around 40ºC) and the heat does condition your way of life (my favorite moment is seeing the grannies&co. taking their chairs in front of the house to enjoy the cooler temperature in the sunset). The elegance and remembering the past comes from the time when the Yucatan (and especially Merida) was living it's golden years thanks to the henequen, famous for it's fiber. Nevertheless, the henequen dream came to an end when the plastic was discovered and was cheaper and more available than the henequen. But you can still see it's presence all over town, 1st in its architecture (the henequen money, united with the pro-French obsession of that time's dictator, Porfirio Díaz, left some Paris looking areas) and in the railway that crosses the whole town, although no trains are passing through these days (does this remind you of Macondo and the banana industry splendor?). Some pics:

The interior of the national theatre.

Random French-alike architecture.

The main square+the Cathedral.

 Random houses downtown.

Former henequen hacienda.

Another former hacienda, with the tropical jungle taking over it.

But, besides it's history&co., the most important thing are the people of Merida. The physionomy is really different than of the people of Central Mexico (got a lot to do that many people here are descendants the Maya Indians). Apart from the mere physical appearance, there's also the behavior. Everything is incredibly slow, every decision takes it's time and it's also reflected in the language -the Spanish spoken here is easily identified in the rest of Mexico, with it's unique song-like melody which depicts the "no worries, we'll do it somehow, but slowly" philosophy of the people. Also, it's full of Maya words. Another thing is that the meaning of 'hermoso' (beautiful) receives a whole different connotation here. One can be 'lindo y hermoso' (beautiful and beautiful). How? Well, because here 'hermoso' means that you've got some extra kilos (which in Merida is a virtue). And I must say, people here are far more 'lindos y hermosos' than in Mexico City. Take a peek:

Lights Out, Words Gone (the video was made on Santa Lucía Square, downtown Merida)

So, this would be Merida and the Yucatan wrapped up into words, or at least my attempt of it. There are many other things to talk about -suddenly moving from downtown Mexico City to a suburb of Merida, changing the constant humming of the traffic for random birds singing in the garden, being surrounded by the rainforest, watering a rooftop garden, and changing Doña Inés and her constant babbling for seven adorable dogs and two cats. And, seeing the sunset every day from the rooftop. 

All this, with me getting a constant Yucatec loch (hug/smooch) and seeing where the Mexico poch (craving) is taking me.

Love you all,

Danilo

on roads, love and missed flights.

It's been a while since my last post, well, actually, over a month. The truth is the days have started passing by real quick, one of those periods when you forget the date and don't know whether it's Thursday, Monday or Sunday. 

A short (or maybe not that short) update on this last month. Green Eyes got back from Europe on October 1st so we continued writing that book (previously mentioned). And we went on a road trip. The thing with Mexico City is that sometimes can become really exhausting, basically because it lacks balance between the urban and the rural. The rural is only to be seen in fresh fruit and vegetables you get on the markets or in immigrants from poorer parts of the country. And somehow, you (well, at least I) don't feel the need to get out of it, until you actually do get out of it and see how life can flow on a whole different level. So, we went to the state of Oaxaca (southern Mexico). Apart from being an administrative state, Oaxaca is also a state of mind I would say.

We made several stops along the way. First, the town of Oaxaca:

Neither submissive, nor devote, I love you free, crazy and beautiful.

Some pics from the local Sunday dance.

The event that has marked the everyday life of Mexico, the Ayotzinapa massacre. 43 students disappeared (=killed) in the town of Iguala, Guerrero. The discovery of mass graves also triggered the anger related to well-known but not-spoken-about corruption in this state. And it exploded as a wave of frustration and a wish for change all over the country. 

In the town of Oaxaca we bumped into two women from Switzerland in their 50s traveling through Mexico. And as it happens, over one breakfast we ended up chatting about the European favorite subject -the arise of right winged parties, immigrations&co. While talking about it, it hit me how disconnected I feel from the whole thing (for good or for worse). And one funny thing, turned out that one of them was working in a refugee camp in Varaždin, Croatia during the Yugoslav Civil War. So we ended up talking about that as well (who'd imagine that I'll be talking about this issue with a Swiss lady in southern Mexico). Life. 

Anyhow, near Oaxaca one can see the temples of Monte Albán. A preview:

 That's me on the top :P

Unlike many archaeological sites, Monte Albán is not crowded with tourists and thus, no souvenir sellers are included, which makes it a perfect site to take it slow, enjoy the silence, the pyramids, the wind and the smells (we got just in time to smell some amazing trees with white flowers (don't have a clue what they're called)). And spend the rest of the day lying under a tree. 

Our next stop was the village of San José del Pacífico high up in the mountains. Suddenly, from wearing shorts and putting sun cream whole day long, it was time to buy scarfs and wool hats. And light a fire in the fire place (thank you Grandma for teaching me how to do that!). The view was just amazing. Like living in the clouds. 

Our last stop was Mazunte, a tiny village on the Pacific Coast. Getting there is a unique experience, because you have to cross a mountain range on a road that looks like a snake fighting for its last breath before actually dropping dead (120km in 4h). We got just in time to rent a really cheap and cute cottage and enjoy the Trudy tropical storm. But still, it was really warm, so the rain and the wind weren't an issue. And it was great -walking barefoot all over the village! Mazunte is one of those places that are crowded with Europeans and Americans whole year long -many of them decide to settle here, but, unlike many other places, it still has its unique charm and you do have the feeling that you're still in Mexico. 

As said, no need for shoes. 

Green Eyes.

The sunset(s).

Home made haircuts are the best.

Our next stop was Mexico City, 850km away and 14h by bus. (More or less the same distance between Belgrade and Berlin, and crossing 3 countries on the way. But, here it's only 1/6 part of the country).

A funny thing Green Eyes noticed: our bus from Oaxaca to Mexico City was leaving at the same time as my flight from Mexico City to Paris that day. We have to go where we have to go I guess. In my case it was missing the flight back to Europe and somehow making the feeling "I'm here to stay" stronger. And, this whole time, taking that flight wasn't actually an option. At least not for now ;) Oh, and that smile from ear to ear that I got when coming to Mexico is still here. Which is a good sign ;)

New moments -I got a job! Went on an interview this Saturday and 2h later I was already starting the whole document collecting process! Crazy ;) So, yes, I'll start teaching Swedish in January at a really cool university here in M. City (Tecnológico de Monterrey, in case anyone's interested).
Another moment is that Green Eyes and me decided not only to share buses, food, beds, but also a place to live. So starting next week I'll be writing from the Yucatan peninsula, surrounded by a rainforest. :)

So, yeah, everything's flowing, in this crazy inimaginable way ;)

Love,

Danilo xxx

on rooftops, identities and guayabas.

A funny thing about writing this blog: somehow, I always tend to think that there’s nothing interesting to write about and suddenly there comes a moment when a lot of happenings and thoughts just take form and I end up writing several pages (I have nothing but XXL love for those who actually manage to read them all and not fall asleep!).

Today I’ve had ‘a pink giraffe among black sheep’ moment. Depending on the day, the amount of coffee I’ve had and many other factors, sometimes I feel uncomfortable with being the tallest person around and bearing the sign ‘foreigner’ on my forehead. In those moments, I catch myself grasping for the sight of someone who looks like me to feel more ‘natural’: today I exchanged the look ‘yes, I know perfectly how you feel’ with a random tall, blond, blue-eyed girl on the traffic light. Which brings me back to the concept of identity: yes, she was tall and a foreigner, but those might as well be the only things we have in common and I might as well share more similarities with the tlacoyo lady on the corner. And this brings me back to my previous post, about comparing Europe and Mexico. The biggest error in it was thinking of Europe (as it is common around here) like a uniform mass, ignoring the fact that e.g. the South of Spain and the North of Sweden have nothing in common, I mean even a 400km long little stain on the mapamundi like Serbia has its differences. But, the last post was a bit hectic in and off itself. :)

About Mexico: it just crossed my mind that it’s almost been a month since I moved here! Last week we celebrated the country’s independence from Spain (204 years ago). This is how it looked like:

my really good friend Rosario (aka Chayo), met her 6 yrs ago on a Catalan course in Mallorca. my Mexico City friend, psychologist and the provider of pillows, blankets, rides, you name it!

Besides that, I haven’t done much, been creating and enjoying that comfy everyday routine -going to the market (mercado de Jamaica, 5 stops by subway, the closer ones are in not so cool neighborhoods): today a funny thing happened in the subway on my way there. I forgot to mention that someone selling something jumps in on every station. This guy was selling bubble-foam (like the ones kids make) and to prove the quality, he started blowing bubbles all over the train (so I was covered with bubbles, this only made my smile become even bigger). Or the guys selling CDs with music from whatever period: they give you a preview by playing a sample (~15sec) of each song on the CD (and a CD has about 20 songs).

Mercado de Jamaica, ©Google

And I’ve got a new addiction: making fresh guayaba juice (2kg=1€). This is a guayaba:

©Google

The taste would be something between a quince mashed with pineapple and a dash of lemon (hope you got the idea).

Besides making guayaba juice, I tend to spend a lot of time on our rooftop, drinking coffee, reading and getting sunburned. The rooftop sums up the essence of Mexico City, overlooking the old Cathedral, the new Manhattan-like Santa Fe zone as well as the mountains/volcanoes surrounding the city. But, paradoxically, it’s also incredibly silent, being in the center of one of the biggest cities of the world. Some pics of the view:

I just adore the clouds here (as you already know)

From time to time, a random neighbor wanders off to the rooftop and starts chatting (me living here is quite an enigma, everyone’s wondering who the gringo living on the last floor is). This week’s neighbor was Doña Inés –in 20min she managed to tell me more or less everything about her life, from her late father’s profession to problems she has at work. Like every Mexican, she’s thrilled that I decided to move here and that I like her country, especially coming from a rich European country (every country in Europe is rich and prosperous around here, even Serbia). She did mention though that I should be aware of thieves and legal flaws, after all, this is a país de indios (a country of Indians, would really not like to believe that her vision of Mexico’s problems has only one cause). So, she’s happy to have a new neighbor called Camilo (that’s me, Doña Inés is half deaf). Later this afternoon, Inés’ son asked me if I could help him and his 5 friends with his English. Interesting –in Serbia, Spain and Germany I didn’t even know who lived in the apartment next door and suddenly I’m making friends with everyone in the building.

My favorite part thing about living here is washing my clothes: the washing machine is not automatic, so you have to put in clean water manually, throw out the dirty one, and so forth. So, it’s much easier washing it by hand on the rooftop. By the way, the guy bringing the drinking water to your place I talked about in my 1^st post does not operate in this area, so you have to take the 20l gallon yourself (in my case, 3 stories up). The view on water consumption drastically changes with these two.

an option for washing your clothes, it's really nice actually, you enjoy the sun and chill. and it goes fast (more or less because i brought 2 trousers and 3 T-shirts). my number is the 6, in case someone wondered

each apartment has a 'jaula' (a cage) for drying the clothes

Another function the rooftop has, besides mingling and washing clothes, is to provide me with a mental update: as I’m getting more and more used to living here, somehow I tend to forget that I’m actually in Mexico. For those of you who don’t know, when I was 8 (and living in my little town in the North of Serbia), I could draw the country’s map by heart and name all of the 32 states and their capitals. My first CDs ever was the best of Thalía (back in 1995, blushing), in school I was telling everyone I had a Mexican great grandmother living on a rancho in Aguascalientes and I used to call the Mexican Embassy in Belgrade just to hear the secretary saying ‘Buenos días, Embajada de México’. Couldn’t imagine that a couple of years later, I’ll be working at the same Embassy and having coffee with that secretary. Life.

So, yeah, Mexico did play and continues playing an important role in my life. We’ll see where it leads, I guess.

Oh, many of you asked me about the logistic part of my life here, jobs and stuff. Have been searching around, but nothing seems to pop up (yet). Somehow, I focused on experiencing the country first and making my way around the city (while there's still some savings left) and until now, things did appear out of the blue in the right moment, regardless if I’ve been running around, chasing them, so I hope it’ll be the same this time. I do have an interview at one University in a couple of weeks, though. If everything goes well, I’ll start teaching Swedish there! (an Irish friend said: okay, so you’ll be a Serb teaching Swedish in Mexico). In a couple of days I’ll go to the National Autonomous University and check what’s the procedure for foreigners wanting to study here (thinking of starting psychology, but am going to write more on this and several other issues in my next posts). 

And next week I’ll go to the airport, although this time it won’t be to leave Mexico, but to pick up Green Eyes and continue writing that book we started :)

A song to say goodbye, México en la piel (Mexico on your skin, with subtitles)! I must confess, I started crying like a Magdalena this Saturday when I heard it at a concert. Pelando el cable, I guess.

The conclusion is: this is more or less the biggest uncertainty phase I've ever had, but, it's also one of the incredible, smiling-every-day and happy phases ever. As said, we'll see where it leads!

Love you all!

Danilo